Teachings of Betterment
Growing up in a broken home, with a parent whose main purpose was to see his children have a better life than what he had, instilled in me to seize opportunities for betterment. Be better than both of my biological parents, high school graduates. One parent is a first-generation American who lived through the struggle of immigrant parents starting a new life, and having a family in America. His hopes and dreams of his future only to be shattered by an injury. Be better by getting a college education, something they did not have. Be better by seizing every opportunity for advancement, and streamlining my career for continuous growth and advancement. Be better in being patient to be married to the right spouse and start a family. Be his greatest accomplishment by succeeding him.
The pressure to be better, to live up to his expectations – not to end up as a disappointment which would shatter his new dream of my life being one that surpassed his life. To not know the struggles, they had experienced. The want for more, be more, do more became a force blurring the lines of what was important. If the opportunity was for betterment, it was important. But at what cost?
With increased professional opportunities and advancement came increased stress. Writing became my escape. The only way to shut down my brain that would not turn off. Having a day that was the end of all days realizing the path I was on was no longer the path I wanted to be on.
Stuck at a fork in the road, my next decision would determine the path to my future path. Professionally in a position that no longer made me happy. The day of all days when I felt I was in a no-win position at work. Work demanded more, wanting more, but I had nothing more to give. This day became the day I let go of my past and embraced change towards a new journey of betterment.
Inspired by a new burning passion for writing I returned back to build a better foundation of writing by going back to school for a second master’s degree (which would be my third graduate degree). At the beginning of my journey trying to understand rhetoric, I was lost. Having a background in healthcare and education, and now as an emerging writer, I struggled to see how I fit into this new discipline I was exploring.
It’s interesting now looking back on the pivotal moment that created change and a new journey. Years of my father instilling in me to have a betterment mindset, to do more, and always look to improve and advance in life was the foundation of my decision-making process. Each decision to work my way towards my next goal or promotion. When I reached the fork in the road, already accomplished many milestones of advancement, I reached a point that the choices and commitment I was making to better my career came at a cost of my personal and family life. The day of all days that made me take a step back and reflect on what did I value the most to make the decision of which path of betterment to follow?
For me, at this point, I wanted to have a betterment mindset that centered around family. Realizing the sacrifices I had to make to keep chasing betterment in my career no longer had value or importance to me. Stepping down from what many would claim is a prestigious position, I went back to the beginning of my career to be able to and have time and flexibility to put my family first. Once I made the decision to make a change towards a new path, it was like I re-structured the foundation of what grounded me.
Learning rhetoric is the art and science of what is written and unwritten, opened up my eyes in reflecting on my past experiences and education has a place in my new journey—learning that my experiences in speaking, writing, training, administration, and even as a parent are all part of building my understanding of rhetoric.
Rhetoric became the lens I’ve reflected on the value of my experiences. Categorizing and learning to understand reflective rhetoric in practice from my past experiences has helped me better understand rhetoric. Now I have a rhetoric umbrella to shape my understanding.
The practice of betterment taught me what I now know as reflective practices. The practice of analyzing and thinking critically to make decisions; thinking about how each decision will affect my future. Does this decision promote my idea of betterment?
The day I made the decision to step down from my career in administration and return to teaching, back to where I started my journey, reflective thinking was an influence in my decision-making process. Being able to take time to reflect, think, and be self-aware of my emotions, helped me recognize I needed a change.
A change for betterment.
A change to walk a new path.
A change for empowerment to say “no more” or “enough is enough”.
A change to a new path of betterment.
Betterment mindset of “the new old me.”
The new old me who is putting herself first for her family.
Family as my newly restructured foundation of change.
Change for betterment as a wife, a mother, a daughter, and a friend set on a new journey always looking forward.
Forward to betterment.
Reflective rhetoric became the tool in which I navigated decisions in my personal and professional life.
Unbeknownst to me my future in education embodied my continued development and understanding of reflective practice. Reflective practice is a central focus in educational pedagogy (Hérbert 361) “…reflection has an intended conclusive end: progress in establishing justification for a belief” (Hérbert 363).
Reflecting on my journey as a professional and a mother, I find an uncanny parallel between the two parts that made me whole. Education and training are supposed to prepare me to be career-ready. But there is no textbook, no manual to prepare for the unexpected. For unique situations that lie outside of the pedagogical teaching in school. There is no book for a first-time parent to truly be prepared for the unknown experiences and all of the “firsts”. Sure, there are general guides to help you, but unique situations happen that are not covered in what to expect.
“The dilemma of the professional today lies in the fact that both ends of the gap he is expected to bridge with his profession are changing so rapidly” (Schon 15).
Reflecting on what aided in my success professionally, as a wife, and as a parent, I think of the common practice of being able to reflect and make good (and at times ethical) decisions. I have always prided myself on being a good listener. “…history of rhetoric not as the art of speaking, but rather the art of listening” (Gross 4). Child number one I was so cautious in every action not knowing how my decisions would affect her. Binky fell on the ground, get a new one until the dirty one was sterilized. Child number two, binky fell on the ground…wet wipe, rinse it, and give it back. This isn’t the dirtiest thing he’s put in his mouth. Who knows what he puts in his mouth at daycare?
I find Gross’s view on listening being the art of rhetoric fascinating. When you listen, you observe. As a teacher, I had to navigate social interactions with high school students. As an administrator crisis management and problem-solving were part of my daily job. As a parent navigating making good decisions which yielded in the positive upbringing, safety, and overall wellbeing of my children. “…divergent and problematic situations are not predictable and easily solved using prescriptive and formulaic solutions” (Tan 687).
Having the mindset of betterment shaped my actions to be a reflective individual, a reflective thinker. To listen, observe, and weigh out my possible options to determine the best outcome for the decision I needed to make. What I love about reflection is that “reflection has an intended conclusive end: progress in establishing justification for a belief” (Hérbert 363). In other words, think before you act. However, in crisis management situations, time is limited and decisions have to be made quickly. The rhetoric of reflection and having a mindset shaped by the critical elements that make up the effective use of rhetoric helped me manage crises and problems.
“Rhetoric has immediate practice uses for reflective practitioners” (Framer and Patterson 106).
Bitzer states rhetoric is situational, “the situation dictates the sorts of observations to be made; it dictates the significant physical and verbal responses” (4). Reflective rhetoric is a way to observe, listen, and evaluate the circumstances of a situation to analyze possible actions for response. The mindset of betterment supports reflective thinking in evaluating how different actions for response will yield the best or most positive outcome in the given situation.
If only every situation faced in life was as simple as think-act-respond. Emotions influence rhetorical situations. Uncontrolled emotions are like quicksand, one step into the depths of an emotional response the deeper you sink. It isn’t until you stop struggling with emotions that you realize how deep you are and trying to get out before you sink so deep that your actions become an anti-force against betterment. “…emotions are presented as pairs of positive and negative binaries, such as anger and calmness or friendliness and enmity – temporary moods or states of mind rather than character attributes or ingrained attitudes” (Bizzell and Herzberg 50).
Using the rhetoric of reflection as a way to evaluate, assess, and take action is a way to manage problems and situations. DeGenaro stated, “reflection itself has a unique ability to create communal and individual moments of meaning making” (112). Reflection does not have to be an engagement of the mind after a situation occurs, but an engagement of the mind as a situation is occurring. Evaluating possible courses of action, listening, and observing a situation, provides an individual the context needed to engage in reflective practices to engage in the best possible action to yield a favorable conclusion.
Emotions can be a resistant force working against an individual’s ability to use Emotional Intelligence strategies such as self-awareness and self-management to have a calm mind and be able to engage in reflective thinking. Reflective thinking promotes a betterment mindset in order to analyze a situation and possible actions or responses before engaging in an action. A betterment mindset is the process of using reflective thinking in order to think before you act to achieve an end goal or result. When emotional quicksand gets ahold of an individual the response becomes reactionary by not taking the time to stop and think, instead just reacting in the moment.
Emotional Quicksand: A Reactionary Response
Time and space can become important variables to readjust, rethink, and revisit one’s foundational practices to use reflective thinking to help manage a situation. In this example, time, having time to call my husband to decompress, having time to take a breath and think about how I was going to manage the situation I found myself in, gave me time to step out of the emotional quicksand and think. Not being at the daycare in this moment was impactful as I had time to regain my composure and put my mind into a problem solution state and compartmentalizing my emotions. My emotions were at an all time high, but I could not step back into the emotional quicksand if I was going to yield a positive result. The car ride to the daycare gave me time and a private space to think about what I wanted to gain from the conversation and the purpose of me going to have a meeting at the daycare center.
Reflecting and Readjusting
Having time to stop and think allowed me to center myself and compartmentalize my emotions to think of how I wanted to approach the situation. Centering myself, calming my mind, and centering my emotions, was critical in being able to start back at my foundation and think through my next steps. At that moment I did not have an end result I wanted to achieve. My goal at that time was to focus on the facts of what really occurred.
Stepping Out of the Emotional Quicksand: Readjusting using Reflection
During “The Talk,” it was difficult to navigate the conversation. Partly because my emotions were tempting me to take a step back into the emotional quicksand. Being self-aware of my emotions, every time I felt myself wanting to react during “The Talk,” I took a breath to help regulate and manage my emotions so that I could mentally stay focused on my goal. To not let the Assistant Director become a controlling force by having my respond without thinking before I acted.
After I left that day with my son, my husband and I talked about the situation a number of times with close family members and friends. We were conscious to talk about the situation away from our children because this was an adult problem. We would send the kids outside to play so we could talk. After reflecting on what happened we knew we needed to start looking at new daycare centers/programs and switch him. His time at the current daycare would be limited. My husband worked from home, he would only have our son go into school when he had clients he needed to meet or pre-set meetings. Essentially limiting our son’s time at the daycare to just mornings to get work done. Having a mindset of betterment, created a plan to minimize our sons time at daycare until we could enroll him into a new program.
The following Monday I went to work and my husband had organized his day to just have our son go to school for the morning. An hour after being at work my husband calls me on my cell phone and tells me he’s heading home with our son. Naturally, I asked what happened. He said that he was walking our son to the classroom door. Before he could open the door our son had latched onto his leg and said he didn’t want to go to school, to not make him go.
Hearing that made my heart break. My son is always happy-go-lucky, loves school, loves his friends. Never had he once not wanted to go to school. My husband said he froze when our son said that. The only thing he knew to do was to take him home, that he was not going to force him to go to class. That was the last time we visited the daycare except for withdrawing him later that week.
Betterment Framework
Overview
Having a betterment mindset is using reflection in action. The foundation of practice is built upon teachings from parent(s) during childhood, educational training, and life experiences. Each brick of knowledge or experience adds to a person’s foundation for decision-making. Whether that’s through formal education, training, or experiences by learning hands-on or from situations.
When engaged in a situation, the practice of processing information, the practice of stop-and-think, or even taking a breath to give pause, all contribute to the reflective process or practice. Evaluating possible course(s) of action or response, to even thinking about options on how to respond to a situation help an individual reach the apex of the decision-making process. Reflecting in action is engaging in the action or decision reflected upon in order to reach an end goal.
A range of outcomes relates to the best or optimal outcome for a decision or intended end goal, to possible varied outcomes that may fall short of what was intended. Errors in decision-making, errors in reflective thinking, or even unforeseen circumstances can influence the outcome of a situation within the range of outcomes.
Foundation
The foundation of using reflective thinking to make decisions, or reflection in action, stems from a person’s foundation. My foundation started with my father’s teachings of betterment. Making the right decision. Making decisions that support my future goals (ie: college, career, independence, etc). Learning to surround myself with people who make me better or are a good influence and identifying those who are not a good influence or could hold me back. Learning to create opportunities in my career to be the best. Once one goal is accomplished or reach to set new a new goal to achieve. Along with foundational teachings comes experiences from life which add to my foundation. With the more teachings, education, and life/career experiences the more resources and references I have to reflect on in my next situation.
Reflection process/practice
The process of reflecting, or the idea stop-and-think, is a learned experience. Being able to stop and think to reflect on a situation, and identify and analyze possible actions or responses stems from a person’s foundation. The more times I practiced reflective practices, or reflected on situations after the fact all contribute to building my foundation and shaping future reflection in action.
The process, or being able to stop and reflect and be influenced by outside variables such as emotions, political influence, or even unknown or first time scenarios. Emotional Intelligence of self-awareness and self-management have a role in being able to maintain control of one’s self in order to engage in reflective practices versus responding in the moment or having an emotional reaction/response to a situation. Emotional quicksand is a temptation for an individual to given in to one’s emotions and respond out of their feelings versus responding with a clear head. This can be a balancing act in crisis management or even high stress situations. Human emotions and human errors can influence an individual’s ability to control their emotions in order to engage in reflective actions.
Action based on decision
Once a decision is made on how to respond, reflection becomes in action. As an individual engages and/or manages a situation using reflective practice to achieve a desired outcome or end goal, action(s) can influence the end result.
Outcome
After a situation or the outcome of a decision, the end result will fall in a range of outcomes. The range of outcomes represents possible results from the most optimal or desired solution/result to a result not intended and a variation between the two. Variables such as error in decision-making, unknown variables, influences, or additional circumstances can cause the end result to fall short from the intended or desirable/positive outcome.
The situation can add to an individual’s foundation as an experience. For a situation with a desirable or optimal outcome, the experience can be a positive situation to draw from in future situations. For a situation that had a less desirable or even a different outcome than intended, the experience can still add to a person’s foundation to learn from the experience and perhaps how to handle similar situations differently in the future. In either case, an individual can use reflection post-situation to reflect on either what went well to achieve an optimal result or reflect on what occurred that resulted in the end result and what could potential be improved upon in the future.
Betterment Framework: In Action
“The Meeting”
The impromptu meeting with the director was the easiest situation to quickly adapt to a betterment mindset at the moment to manage the situation. Being caught off guard immediately put me into an analytical mindset. Using my foundation of listening and observation to evaluate what the Director was saying and how I responded was most impactful. While my end goal to work together and help my son through the biting stage he was in was my end goal. Even though the Director acted as an opposing force, each turn I quickly assessed and thought about my next response with the mindset that each response would be one step closer to achieve my end goal – helping my son be successful.
Throughout the conversation with the director, each major point or turn of conversation became a point of listening, thinking of my response in the moment, and re-engaging in the conversation. Noted by the red lines, each re-engagement of reflection became a cycle of revising and using my foundational experiences of active listening, and reflecting in action, to maintain a betterment mindset to achieve my end goal of having a plan that supports the growth and development of my son.
“The Call”
The call from the daycare informed me my son had “walked up to another child and unprovoked bit another child” highlights how emotional quicksand can easily overtake rational thinking, obstructing Emotional Intelligence of self-awareness and self-management, in addition to being a force which inhibits reflective thinking in the moment. Having an emotional response to a situation removes “time” to stop and think, instead transforms time to an immediate response. There is no end goal, no optimal result to work towards during the state of an emotional reaction except for emotions to take over. After the emotional response, the goal becomes to regain Emotional Intelligence, regain a sense of control and having a calm mind, in order to readjust and reassess the situation. Emotional quicksand becomes the only foundation in the moment when emotions take over.
To see additional applications of the Betterment Framework in action, visit Betterment Framework page to learn the teaching of a betterment mindset influences how moms apply and teach betterment to their children.
The process of having a betterment mindset, using reflection in action, requires “a synthetic knowledge-making activity” during a situation, and post-reflection contributes to an individual’s “self-efficacy precisely because it helps us understand that we have learned (even if not always successfully); how we have learned; and how we might continue to learn” (Yancey 8).
Journey of Betterment
Follow my Journey of Betterment blog postings:
–Change For Betterment: Lifting the Fog
(check back for updates and additional postings)
Rogers Rhet Theory 